Symptoms of A Breakdown
It’s been a while since I got really upset about something that I deem important in my life. And lately, I’ve just been upset about everything. I easy fumble, loose track of things to do and seem out of direction. And even though I used the same recipe to keep back on track, I’m not. And it’s upsetting, really. I don’t feel myself. But here are the top symptoms I’m really breaking apart.
- When I forget to breath when swimming. And forget that I’m holding the bottom of a 10 feet swimming pool and it’s a long way to catch some air.
- I hit the balls harder and with more force in tennis. Often leads to a cramp or a beaten up shoulder, an overstressed and painstaking right knee but I play better when upset. Or when I beat myself up.
- Most importantly, the need to make my hair extremely manageable then the more eager and consistent need cut it drastically. Always above the shoulders, in front of a mirror.
I usually stay in bed the next day after. Thinking why I cut my hair then realizing that it’s breezy and I needed the messed up hair style to match my messed up thinking pattern. Listening to sappy music. Choking on excessive ice cream overdose. Undermining the fact that it’s two in the afternoon and having your overused and aching tendons as excuse to stay in bed. Staring at the ceiling hoping things will fall into place. Letting the world spin tremendously, hoping you’d vomit along with it. Realizing you’re in constant motion whether you want it or not.
And nothing would ever wait for you. And you can’t make anything stop. Then the sun shines. And it’s a new day. Hopefully, a better day.
